The Family Factor
February 8th, 2010 at 20:43
When I first decided to adopt a vegan lifestyle, I was incredibly worried about what my family’s reaction would be. I knew my brother would accept it and give me encouragement. And a bunch of links to nutritional supplements and a ton of advice. My mom, I wasn’t so sure about. I figured she’d accept it with reservations (for my well-being). I was mostly worried about my dad, as he likes to have solid facts and reasoning behind things. When I made the switch, I had none of the above.
The funny thing was, when I had dinner with my dad at our favorite Chinese place a few weeks ago, he was the one who was bringing up the topic of veganism! He’s concerned about his health as he gets older and is taking steps to not consume as many animal products, as they are high in fat. So when I told him about me, it was basically an “it’s funny you should mention that…” moment. His reaction was essentially two thumbs up and a bit of metaphorical cheering. I even sent him an email that night, full of helpful links that I’ve discovered. So, that was easy. (Btw, he’s not going vegan unfortunately, but vegetarian.)
When we visit my family on Whidbey now, I bring along my Veganomicon cookbook and binder full of recipes I’ve printed out and scanned, and we figure out what to cook based on those. My mom even copied a bunch of recipes, the last time we were down. I feel good about cooking for them, because I know they’re eating healthier than they otherwise would be (even though my mom eats well) and because I’m also sharing myself with them. I’m showing them that they can still have delicious and healthy food, without any animals being involved.
Doing dinner with Ty’s family is a lot harder, unfortunately. Ty’s cousin, who is also vegan (along with her two daughters and husband), told me that usually when they have dinner at another’s house, they just eat whatever the host is having (as long as it’s not pork or seafood). I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but when the dinner is ham and cheesy hash browns … yeah, I’m not doing that. Last night I brought my own dinner of brown rice with edamame and tahini sauce, and washed it down with some apple juice.
I’m conflicted because, on one hand, I don’t expect anyone to cater to me. But I also don’t like having dinner there and eating only what I bring. But when everything has cheese, butter, milk, etc. and in large quantities … what am I supposed to do? I feel like the odd one out, with my brown rice and edamame. But I’m not going to sit down and have what everyone else is having, if it has anything like that in it. Physically I could consume it, but I’d feel like shit afterwards. Not very much physically, but mentally. I’d feel like I let myself down. You pick it back up the next time and keep pushing forward, but there’s still a bad feeling that lingers.
I guess we’ll see where things go, from here. We’re trying to limit how often we have dinner with Ty’s family. I’ve been thinking that I need to put together a simple, tasty dinner and have everyone over. And cook things that everyone would eat, or should eat. And show them that this is not weird, that it’s tasty and fulfilling, and that I’m doing something good for myself, when I bring out my own portion of dinner. Maybe that would help?
At this point, I don’t know. I just don’t know.
This was a really great post. I know it can be hard but trust me, it gets easier. And while bringing your own food can be a pain, it’s a lot better than eating something that will make you feel terrible in the long run. There will always be times when you feel like the odd one out, but you may also notice a shift in people’s attitudes towards you as time goes on and they learn more about what you are doing. Be true to yourself and don’t feel guilty, and find ways to participate and engage emotionally with the people around you while still eating the food you choose to eat. You should not have to conform for fear of being rude–as long as you are polite in the way you express your choice, you have nothing to feel guilty about. People will eventually accept it. Hang in there and know that if you ever feel alienated, you are not alone–we all have our “I’m the only vegan at a family dinner” horror stories, and it truly does get easier!